What will I do next?

What do you do when you don’t know what life is all about and which story to believe? You notice that so many ideas, thoughts, and reflections swirl around in your head. Your headspace is an ocean of ideas, your headspace is bigger than the biggest ocean and as infinite and endless as space itself. What will I do next? This is the question you want to get to the bottom of, in your attempt to get to the bottom of this question you write down a few options, and below each of these options you write further remarks.  


1. I will despair and play the victim card.

Play the victim card? Sure, why not? Why not? Because that would be crazy! I will do no such thing. What does playing the victim card mean anyway? Maybe it is where someone says “This isn’t my fault, it wasn’t my fault anymore than it was my fault that I was born in the first place! Anymore than it is my fault that one day I will die — one day I will die, is that my fault? 

2. I can reflect upon the fact that I am a ‘glass half full’ type of person. In fact, you choose to be a glass half full type of person.

I am grateful for the things that I have in my life: I have nice clothes, I have a home, I have plenty of food, I have a great job, and I am deeply loved by many people; Kylie, Kosta, God, my support workers Paris, Saskia, Hunter, and Alissa. I am successful; I went to university and graduated and now I am writing a novel. 

3. I could slap myself silly. 

Or not. 

4. I could look at myself in the mirror and say: “I am unique, I am special, and there is no one exactly like me in the entire universe. I love you and I accept you.” 

5. I sanctify the very ability to choose. 

God gave me the power and the strength to make choices.

6. I will pray to God and ask for His guidance. 

7. I will read my all-time favorite bible passage; Jesus, the Light of the World. 

8. I will go for a walk, sit by the water and close my eyes and do nothing. I will listen to the ocean, I will listen and see what the ocean has to say. 

9. I will ask myself ‘Who am I?’ but I will not expect a story to be given to me when I ask this question.

10. I will ask for help when I need it.

11. I will watch a funny movie, or I will watch one of my all-time favorite TV series The Twilight Zone, and I will listen (and most likely admire) Rod Serling’s masterful narrations.

12. I will light a candle and enjoy the wonderful scent.

13. I will acknowledge the uncertainty and doubt that characterizes my life. I will accept it mindfully, I won’t rail against the uncertainty, I won’t denounce the uncertainty, I won’t protest against the uncertainty.

Do you think it is true that we don’t have a choice? Sometimes we might say that certain things are outside our control, that we cannot control certain things (for example other people). We might also add to that list something like: I had no choice in where I was born, who my parents were, or even that I was born. I do think it is true that we cannot control what other people say, do or think; however we very much can control the way we think feel and behave.

As my mum used to remind me so often, she didn’t make the roads, she cannot control the weather, and she cannot read minds! So the same rule applies to me, just because I am not a parent does not mean those rules do not apply to me. On all three counts the same is true of me: I did not make the roads, I cannot control the weather, and I cannot read people’s minds!